Are Identity and Self-Awareness the Same?
Understanding your identity and how it differs from the journey toward self-awareness
I’ve never really had an identity. I was always so busy trying to create one, that I never got the chance to truly understand myself. But, isn’t that what an “identify” really is? It’s simply an external label that describes who someone appears to be. It doesn’t take into account the beautiful, everchanging artwork that lies underneath the surface.
Most of the time, we become so busy seeking out this so-called “identity,” that we forget to look inwards and understand who we really are. We tend to set our identities based on our positions in society, our friends and family, our hobbies, our bodies, and our minds’ emotional and intellectual expressions. Rarely do we take the time to look at our real nature and ask the question, “Who am I?”
Identity-formation gets to the best of us, snagging us up one by one as we hit puberty. At least that’s what happened to me.
From a very young age, I always let my hobbies define me. In middle school, I followed the pack, joining what I thought were cool-kids clubs from soccer to tennis and ballet. When I reached high school, things changed and I began rejecting everything that belonged in the mainstream under the false belief that that was my true identity.
I wanted to stand out; I blasted hard rock music whenever I could and picked up the bass and the drums. My wardrobe was all shades of black, preferably from the men’s section, and I alternated between combat boots and leather high-tops. Although I stuck to ballet, I added the more diverse Muay Thai to the mix. No one could catch up with me — I was definitely cool.
But it didn’t exactly feel like it. I always had an unquenching need to boast about my so-called “passions.” While I thought I was freeing my true spirit, it never actually felt real. That’s because the identity I developed didn’t belong to me; it belonged to others.
Then, I went to college. I dialed down parts of my “old self,” but still had an unrelenting urge to show off how secretly unique I was. Although my taste in music was kept intact, by then, I had turned into a runner and a yogi, skilled in the art of meditation — I even got a “free-spirited” mantra tattoo. I suffered through Economics because I thought it made me sound intellectual and mischievous. And I was a Brazilian living in the U.S.
Those were the main traits of my identity, which I believed made me me. By then, I was burned out, unhappy, and constantly on the brink of a nervous breakdown.
A few months before my college graduation, my daughter was born. My husband and I raised her by ourselves, with no friends or support network — or any clue of what to do, really. I was a mom 24/7, and my body was constantly in a state of adrenaline from the lack of sleep and human interaction, and all the self-imposed pressure to be a perfect mother. The metamorphosis was complete; all of a sudden, I was simply “mom.” I couldn’t even remember who I was before having a baby.
Was I a cool rocker girl, a health enthusiast, a serene-looking yogi, a clever economist? I felt like none of them. I had lost full touch with myself, a realization I only came upon when the world stood still due to the coronavirus pandemic. In a way, it was the perfect opportunity to find my way back to myself — or rather, to truly get to know me, as I’d never actually done before.
What I found out is that getting to know oneself is harder than getting to know the person with whom you end up spending your life. You don’t play any “get-to-know-you” trivia games or get to go on dates with yourself. There’s no talking about the relationship; no fighting and making-up.
But I had to figure out a way to do it, or else I was going to slowly fade away. So, I embarked on a one-woman journey to get to know myself for the first time. And boy, did that take courage. To me, this meant a lot of mindful yoga and reading, self-reflection and EMDR therapy, “me-time” and long talks with my mom and my husband — and crying, lots and lots of crying.
The journey toward self-awareness is one of the most important ones we take in our lives. And it’s one that never ends. Self-awareness is having an impeccable understanding of your true self, seeking to know why you feel and behave a certain way. It means being intimately connected with your mind, body, and spirit.
It’s not something that just comes to you, especially if you keep looking outward. You also look inward. Having clarity about who you truly are is empowering, and gives you the confidence to create the life you want. I learned that self-awareness is probably the first step toward achieving a sense of freedom. But it’s definitely a work in progress.
Now, as my favorite band is about to go on tour again, I’m not concerned about my not being able to attend since it’s too close to my due date. I’m not in the least worried about missing out on the adrenaline rush of being in the crowd, about showing the world all the cool stuff I do. Finally, I don’t need to engage with something externally to prove who I am internally. I’m at last finding peace within myself, and I hope many others also get this life-changing experience.
